Sometimes when Zoe is asleep, she yells out loud- I rush into her room to be sure her head hasn't gotten stuck between the bars of her crib, or that a monster isn't devouring her. Of course she seems fine, but her face wrinkles up, her eyes squint little tears, she stiffens and wails again. She screams the screams of sheer terror. Obviously, she's having a nightmare. I've come to wonder, what do babies have nightmares about? What fear incites these wicked, bone chilling shrieks?
How do babies develop such terrible fear when they've only been fed and cuddled and sheltered from hard lessons?
I don't know what gives Zoe such awful dreams, but I do know that she fears the sky and and things that move through it.
Zoe fears... the moon.
Just the mere mention of the word "moon" has been known to make her little face crinkle up into a pre-cry. In the evenings when we go for our walks and the forest is quiet, the light fading, Zoe avoids looking at the sky. She knows "it" hovers up there, waiting to catch her eye. At first I thought she would look up and squint at the light, but then I realized that she really is afraid of the moon. When I look up and point to it, call it out by name, she gets this worried, sad look, then she wimpers as she gazes fearfully at the glowing ball in the sky, then she buries her face in my hair and bear squeezes me. Then she'll check- "yes! It's still there! Staring at me!" Sometimes, she'll wimper and refuse to look up.
The other evening, we were at the park enjoying the last light at the end of our walk. Zoe was atop the slide, waiting to slip down when a plane came into view with a dull roar overhead. Shrieks, screams! Sheer terror! As if the Southwest Airliner was about to drop bombs on us. I began to wonder if she experienced the London raids of WWII in a past life. She flew down the slide into my waiting arms where she squeezed me tightly and cried into my shoulder. When she mustered up the courage to look up, the plane was gone, but the evil moon was still there and she dared not look skyward again.
Later at night, I told Nico about what happened. He said that he had noticed her fear of the sky and more notably the moon before too. As we talked, each time we spoke the word moon, Zoe looked out the window, upward and whimpered.
Now we try to show her throughout the day, "look, a plane!", "look, the moon", "look, the birdie in the sky". We try to tie the sky to fun things to learn about. What is it about a quiet moon, and empty sky that is so frightening? Is the moon's gaze too persistant? Is the endlessness of the sky too overwhelming?
